Tuesday, January 11, 2022

Travel funnies and regular funnies...

Welcome back, people who are bored at home while a pandemic rages.  I am so glad you have taken time out of your schedules to follow my adventures.  Behold, the great hilarity that is my life.  No complaints here.  As long as I can laugh I know that life is good.

Me, after rearranging the octopus collection at work, for the thousandth time. I apparently work with someone who enjoys rearranging these not in color order. They know it annoys me. 






Israeli moments of pride:
So my eldest son drafted into the army in August.  He loves basically everything about it.  Which, if you know him, is not a surprise. He was ummm, not the easiest child (I am trying to be kind here) but he has always been satisfied with whatever was going on around him.  And unrelated, he has always been the easiest person to give a gift to.  He loves everything, and one of his first phrases around age 1.5yrs was ga-goo (thank you).  So that is just the background to why it is not surprising that he is happy.






Also I am going to highly recommend a gap year pre-army program.  He was very skeptical when we first brought up the subject but it was definitely good for him.  It gives the kids (boys especially) an extra year to mature and learn how to live away from home with people that are maybe a bit different.  They also learn important life skills like how to share a bathroom with a lot of people, how to eat food that mommy and daddy didn't cook. etc....  So anyway this has definitely helped in his adjustment to army life.

Okay so he had his first ceremony of the army the night before I left for America.  His swearing in ceremony.  It was awesome and emotional and also crazy crowded with minimal covid rules despite a raging pandemic back in October.  Basically, once you have a spot at the ceremony (It is all standing and was at the Kotel (Western Wall) you cannot move.  A few thousand people are pressed in around you. Because Israelis have big families and Israel is small so no one lives too far away to attend a ceremony. And they all come.

Someone I ended up one step in front of the rest of my family.  Which meant that I believe I am now part of a very large Yemenite family.  I already know half of their names and they leaned over me many times to take photo, pass masks, etc...  The bubby of my new family thankfully also kept reminding her 60yr old kids to put their masks on.  

Ceremony was great and we are so proud of how our first baby is managing.  But back to us. We managed to blend in by bringing food as we have been told to do by fellow Israelis.  It was basically a parade of families marching through the Arab shuk on the way to Kotel, every family carrying baskets of food, coolers of drinks, chairs, blankets etc...  Israelis know how to eat, that is for sure.  After the ceremony, a quick dash home because my plane was leaving a few hours afterwards.  But more on that later.

And now for an only in Israel moment:  When this boy went into the army, he needed to get permission to keep his beard.  Because in the army you cannot just have a beard because you like beards or are too lazy to shave.  You basically need a reason and the reason for most is religious.  So he tells me that he has to go to see some officer (sorry but I do not know the ranks) on his base.  Basically the person in charge of rules, uniforms, appearance, etc...  And from him, he has to get permission.  So he explains that this person asked him several questions about Judaism, basically for my son to prove that he is actually religious and knowledgeable.  So I of course asked him, so is this the Rabbi of your base?  To which the answer was, no, he is Druze and he is in charge of appearance and he is terrifying etc...Well, knock me over with a feather, this was a surprise to me.  This is basically Israel in a nutshell.

I now bring you Hebrew funnies #1

Hebrew special moments that have happened recently: the word for gloves and flip-flops are oddly similar. Yet they really change your story... At work, I heard a coworker explaining how she is suffering from plantar fasciitis. Me, being the helpful American that I am, tell her that I had the same thing and it took me about a year to recover. So I start explaining how I have special flipflops that I wear at home that are specifically for plantar fasciitis. Until one of the nurses finally looks at me and says ummmm, maybe you mean this other word. Yes I told a whole story about how I have special gloves for my feet that I wear around the house. 

World Traveler:





Let's see, what other fascinating things have happened to us in the past few months. oh, I went to The United States for a quick visit to see the family. Honestly, until I got on the airplane, I wasn't sure it was going to happen. Between waves of Covid , airport closures, etc... and one cancelled trip, it was not clear. But I managed to slip in and out of the USA for a ten day trip. Only required five covid tests I believe. You are probably wondering, what did you do during your time in the good old USA? Excellent question. let's skip the obvious part about visiting family. I'll get back to that. Mainly, I spoke English. For ten glorious days I spoke only in English and it was amazing.

So here is a bit of back story.  I was supposed to head to the good old USA in November 2020 to visit my parents.  But obviously with Covid and my job that did not happen. So I took my travel voucher and waited.  I have to request vacation a year in advance.  So each year in December I need to choose for the entire coming year. So again, December 2020 I put in a request for two weeks in November.  Why November?  Because it is not a popular time to request so I usually do not have issues getting it approved.  And the prices to travel are decent and there usually isn't snow yet on the East Coast of the USA.

Anyway, I eventually make it onto the airplane.  I survive TLV-LHR with a seatmate who apparently did not get the memo that we have a pandemic.  Then LHR-PHL which only one minor snafu of me standing in the wrong line and almost going through customs to enter into the UK.  You might be thinking, well, airports are large and confusing.  Except, well, I have been through the London airport at least five times and English is my first language.  So it should not have been this confusing.  I make it to the airplane where there are approximately 25 people in the entire coach section and that was amazing.  Everyone had their own row.  And a reminder to all, British Airways are very free with their in-flight cocktails. 






I arrive in Philly.  Manage to survive passport control. Which FYI America, stop being so serious.  I am a citizen. I am in my 40's.  I am probably one of the least threatening people you will meet.  I am not who you are looking for.  Let's just say the border control guy did not even crack a smile for my answers.  My luggage was basically three outfits, one pair of shoes and 40lbs of snacks . I brought Israeli snacks for everyone.  So of course when he asks if I have any fresh fruits, vegetables, seeds etc, I am forced to respond, "Nope, but I have a lo of snacks."  He was not amused.  But he did let me in.

An out of order trip summary follows:

I find my bag, exit the airport and suddenly I am outside with zero phone service because my cell has gone on strike.  After 10 minutes of slight panic I manage to reach my parents who were waiting nearby.  I get into the car and the fun can officially begin.  10 days filled with trips to Wawa, seeing friends, food and adult beverages.  My mother started cooking like two months in advance.  So much food.  And visiting the Philadelphia Art Museum.  Not for the art.  But because I wanted to re-enact Rocky running up the steps.  Something I had not done since I was a teen.  Two things: This is actually super fun to do.  But also, it is a lot more steps than it seems like.  But then you go and google how many steps and it is not very many.  Then you might feel sad.  Luckily the next activity is flight of beer tasting.








Oh, and did I mention that midtrip my brother and sister came in to surprise my parents?  We had schemed this whole thing, as all good siblings do.  I even had shirts printed for the occasion.  And yes, we wore those shirts.  But back to the surprise.  Good family friends went to pick them up at the airport and the surprise was epic and awesome.  So epic that I cannot share the video here because someone who shall remain nameless (and if you know me, you know it is not me) says some bad words. But back to the shirts.  I made everyone wear them when we went to the apple festival.  Oh, what's that you might be asking yourself?  Perhaps you do not understand where I grew up.  An apple festival is fairly normal.  Lots of fun sibling times. 








I do some whirlwind visiting my friends up in NY/NJ including a stop at my forever besties mansion. I mean, I invited myself to sleep over there,  The service there was excellent.  Five stars for the cocktails, breakfast, homemade challah and tons of laughs.  It helps when you bring old pics of you guys as teenagers to show your friends horrified teenage children.  I really am the best friend. 

Next stop to visit more long time friends and I ended up receiving tons of clothing which saved me hours of shopping, not to mention money.  Everyone needs that friend that first of all you can be yourself with and who knew you as 22 year old Arielle.  And that you can send pics of yourself to, from a dressing room and get an honest opinion.  And should she open a clothes selling business from home and you come over and she hands you a full bag of clothing after making sure it all fits, well, who am I to deny her that pleasure?  Then off to Starbucks to meet as many other friends who were randomly free on a Sunday in October.  It also happened to be Halloween which means you get to see some hilarious costumes in there drinking coffee acting like they aren't dressed as cows or sexy pig or whatever.

Then it was time to return home.  After first having a super fun brunch/firepit situation at my parents with friends we have all known for my entire life, we must eat traditional smores together!

That is the basic trip summary. Catching up with friends and family. Shopping. Eating and drinking.  And so much English.  My family thinks I had too much fun on my vacation so I made them this little collage. ;-)




Okay, there was a whole mess with my return flight because of covid.  Tons of flights were cancelled.  I will spare you the story.  Eventually I get on a flight from PHL-BOS.  
Ran into these guys in the Philly airport


Let me remind you that I am a native English speaker.  I am also quite sure that I still speak it quite well.  I also am the owner of an Ivy League education (go Lions, don't hold it against me).  I arrive in Boston and need to get from the domestic to the international terminal.  Should be easy right?  I have a few hours.  I've been to airports before.  I can read.  So I ask for information at the desk about how to get there.  The guy tells me to look down and follow the purple arrows on the floor.  Or I can take a bus.  But to me it was unclear if this was like a city bus or an internal airport bus.  I asked how long the walk is.  15 minutes he says, so off I go. I work out ,so no biggie. But I mean, if it were no biggie, it would not be part of this blog.

Ten minutes later, I am still following the purple arrows yet  have ended up in  a parking garage.  Note to future self. Ask more questions.  So I backtrack along the purple arrows and can not figure this out.  So I exit the airport.  In Boston. In November.  In flip flops.  Anyway, after running around a bit more outside I find another human also trying to get to the international terminal.  After much confusion we find the bus and I Israeli my way onto it. That means ummm, just making sure I don't get knocked out of the way.  Okay, so off I go.  I make it to the international terminal.  No time to celebrate though.  As I don't actually have a ticket yet, because of the flight confusion.  So I take my sweaty self to the desk where someone who definitely does no want to be at work is there to help me.




In order to return back to Israel I need to have a negative PCR test within 72 hours.  In order to guarantee this without paying money, I took a few different tests at different drug stores.  Well, due to flight delays that means that my last valid test was 76 hours prior and not 72.  I had taken a more recent test but those results were not back yet.  But aside form this issue I did have the other 10 forms prepared that I needed to travel back to Israel via London. I explained the hours to this woman at the desk and she started counting hours on her hands.  I do not know exactly what happened but, despite being in an unfriendly mood, she stamped all of my papers as valid.  And a good thing too because I assumed my results would be in when I arrived in London.  Nope, they arrived a day after I got back to Israel.

So there I am in Boston now with ticket in hand.  Very sweaty but who cares.  Once again, BOS-LHR was empty!  Whole row and cocktails to myself.  Thanks British Airways.  You screwed up my tickets, you did not have kosher food that I ordered, you did not have the upgrade I paid for, but you did have an empty plane and vodka and cranberry (and you did refund me $61 for my troubles).  Make it to London where this time, I do not get lost.  Buy myself the traditional coffee and head off to find my plane.  

Once again the crowd from LHR-TLV apparently does not know there is a worldwide pandemic.  One shouting match at the gate and a lot of confusion but then I am back on the plane.  No, I was not part of the shouting match.  I just yell at people silently and make faces behind my mask.  This might be a problem when I no longer need a mask.  Anyway, once on the plane, I have my fancy seat upgrade with a silent seatmate who does know there is a pandemic.  However, she does not seem to know that if she doesn't get up to let me back into the row but instead, scooches over one inch, I will step over her.  If she doesn't mind my bum in her face then what do I care?  She does not seem to care.  Ahhh, back with my peoples, no personal space.

I safely arrive back in Israel, make it through robotic passport control, get my bags, act natural as I pass through customs and get to the part where we all get tested for covid.  I had prepaid so the line was quick and soon enough I was outside.  Israel might be a lot of things and things do not always work as we think they should but this place knows how to handle covid testing.  Sign up, show your health fund card, get swabbed, get a bracelet that shows you've been swabbed and goodbye.  Back out to quarantine at home until you get your results.

Remember that extra test I took in the USA just in case my flight got delayed?  That I assumed I would get results for while in London?  Well, I got those results back a few hours after getting the results from my landing in Israel.  In case anyone is wondering: Negative.

Got myself a little souvenir at the apple festival



Back to regular life. Almost. The way my annual vacation came out, I still had almost a week free after my travels. I wanted to plan a fun day out with the hubby. Originally I wanted a relaxing spa day. But then during my planning, I am not sure exactly what happened but I ended up planning a day out in Tel Aviv on these pumped up Segway type things. At first I was freaked out but as it turns out, it was super fun. And because my day of fun was on a random weekday we ended up having a private tour since other people work normal hours. 





And in short summary! Since then we've had a whirlwind of class trips, Thanksgiving (yes we still celebrate it), Chanukah, and no fewer than 100 messages from schools about schedule changes due to Covid. My kids usually take it all in stride. Usually. So a few pics just for fun. 

Girls at the end of their class trip which was instead of the usual trip to Poland. Instead they did something within Israel but it was all about learning about the Holocaust. Seems like it was very successful. 

Aroma holiday themed chocolate, always fun

Matching pajamas circa 2006 and 2021



Birthday coffee before school


One more for the road:

I am going to end this blog with a little Hebrew gem for those of you who have managed to hang on and make it through this blog.  Over the past few years I have been slowly learning more Hebrew slang.  I understand a fair amount of it now but it is very very rare for me to use it.  I always ask my coworkers to explain slang to me.  Well, a few weeks ago I was at work in the NICU and a mother was chatting with me.  After a few minutes of chatting I managed to toss in a slang term without even thinking about it and planning for it.  I of course immediately checked with friends  to be sure I had used it properly.  Now every time I see this mother I think to myself.  YES, you have made it. You can use slang,

Of course, one week later I didn't understand a doctor who asked me to fix his mask but whatever.  Let us enjoy our accomplishments.

I'll end this for real with a few more funny photos. I am a sucker for funny signs. 
Just me acting like myself, in a coffee shop






Monday, October 11, 2021

Long time, no see

 Wow, time flies when you're doing.. well okay we haven't been doing that much, with the world shut down and all.  Of course, in our family we still manage to have interesting things happen. 

Gratuitous photo of me working on Israeli Independence Day


I worked two shifts so obviously there are two photos


Remember the course I mentioned over and over. Where I was freaking out at the beginning because obviously the course is in Hebrew? In case my education isn't at the forefront of your memory, I'll remind you. I took a year long course for some sort of certification (details still fuzzy there) in Neonatal Intensive Care. 

Spoiler alert: I passed




Me after the exam


Anyway, we finished and had our big exam in January. Let me help you picture what this exam is like. 

Half of the exam is a typical multiple choice computerized test. If you are wondering how to say multiple choice exam in Hebrew, it's ...

מבחן אמריקאי= American exam. Why? Because apparently the idea is this is the only way Americans take exams.  So anyway, that's half of the test or maybe 1/3. Then you have another computerized test on any random medical subject they want and basically they hint at the issue and you have to diagnose it. We got seriously the most random thing, but I managed to fake it enough. 


And then the stressful part. (Well for me the stressful part came first and then I had the computerized test, but it's half and half and then you switch).  Okay, so then there is this part called simulations. It's exactly what it sounds like. Except it's worse. You stand in front of a closed door and read a paragraph about a scenario. From this you are supposed to begin to have an idea about what is behind the door. Then a bell rings and you enter the room. And that's when all heck breaks loose. Some situation is occuring and you have to treat the patient. And you don't actually know what's wrong. And also the patient is a doll.

Remember, this is all happening in Hebrew and Hebrew is still fairly new for me. 

I'll just give you one example of a scenario I encountered. A 'baby' was in distress and I had to gather the correct equipment to assist the doctor in putting the baby on a ventilator. So I wanted the little tube we use for suction. Except I couldn't remember the name of the tube. So I said ummm, I want the this thing (pointing to said tube) and the examiner says, what thing. And I'm like, the this thing , this blue thing. So, as a way of helping me out she said, it's okay you can say it in English if you don't know it in Hebrew. I was like, that doesn't help me at all, I also don't know the word in English. 

If you're wondering what the word was, it was catheter. How do you catheter in Hebrew? Catheter.   So that's basically how the exam went, more or less.  

But I passed. And good memories. And it also definitely helped my Hebrew (catheter aside). Also my husband has been instructed to not let me sign up for more courses in the next few years. Since we have been married I have gone back to school at least three times, and that's after us going through two university degrees together. I have a love hate relationship with school. 

This is what was waiting for me after the exam



Okay, so this was already months ago. Like 8 months ago.  Because apparently I have not taken time to keep the people posted about life here. 

Israel fully reopened around May I think? Life is (was) back to normal here. We did have a glorious 10 days where masks were not required anywhere (except for the hospital and such)  And then we had an outbreak of Covid and masks were back. But store and restaurants and absolutely everything is open. But traveling outside of Israel is tricky because the rules are constantly changing. Hubby and I managed a two night getaway at my favorite hotel. It's so relaxing and just the right amount of fancy. Also they have killer cocktail hour. 




So this means that's almost all Israelis are here for the whole summer so everything is packed and booked. Which I guess is fine by me because I hate traveling when everyone is traveling. Give me a nice vacation in a mostly empty hotel please. See above ;-)

Well, apparently the last time I wrote was in May and now it's October. 

Here is a quick rundown of what has happened. 

Kid #1 drafted into the army. He loves all of it. 

Kid #2 worked at a summer camp for kids who love science and questions and talking and such. Basically the camp was made for her. She loved it. Now she is back to taekwondo and her pre army fitness course.  

Kid #3 started driving lessons and worked at a sports camp and did scout stuff. Now she is coaching netball and creating a scout troop from nothing. 

Kid #4 basically loitered around town all summer with his buddies. Attended his art course in August and basically had a way better social life than I'll ever have. Now he is back to art and scouts and taekwondo and some other stuff. 

What else happened this summer? It was hot. But somehow I am more used to the heat now. Or I own appropriate clothing. Or I've learned when to go outside and when to hide inside. 


Anyway, gratuitous kid photos from the last six months. 






We worked a lot. I finally made it to the beach at the very end of the summer. Very exciting. It's beach season here from like April through November so I was just a slacker. Since writing this we actually went again! Shocking. 

My mother in law came to visit us for sukkot so we did a lot of fun outings. But I've already put those on Facebook. 

Here she is

 

Okay, now that it is now October and apparently I've been even more of a slacker. I'll finish up this blog with the latest Hebrew flub. It's a good one, so buckle up. 

I am at work. We had a crazy busy morning shift. Like really really busy and our shift is ending and I'm running through in my head what I still need to do so that we can finish up. One of the nurses was saying something and then said CPR. I was like, wait, what are you saying? CPR?? What does that mean?

Yes folks. Yes. I couldn't figure out that she was saying English letters to stand for what I now only refer to as החייאה. AKA CPR. Something that we often do and apparently I have forgotten what it is called in English. 

Just add this to the list of 'why it is fun to work with Arielle. You never know what she might say.' (also she brings treats to work)


Until next time folks.....

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

'Tis the Season

Preface: Let me start off with, we are all sick of the coronavirus and the situation we are all in. I haven't been the most understanding of those who don't follow the (granted, very confusing) rules and this is something I am working on. I have to remind myself that most people really are trying to do the best that they can. And even if I don't agree or I can't understand it, that this is where they are coming from. So, this is something I am working on. (Coming back to this blog three months later, and apparently I still need to work on this).

Now, onto our adventures:

No, not that season, our holiday season. Normally, here in Israel, around the beginning of August everything begins to slow down. And if you need anything done, everyone says, we'll get to it after the holidays (meaning mid October) or, I don't know, might have to wait until after the holidays, etc... This year is obviously a bit (totally) different. First of all, the country has been semi shut down since mid March.  It opens and closes and opens and closes. Currently we are basically closed for the next few weeks. (Oh, as of early December we are more open than before, because you know, we need to get ready to close again)




The kids attended school for about two weeks. And then schools shut down. My eldest attended his pre-army program for just under a month and now those are shut down. My work of course continues on as usual but I fear I'll end up with more shifts in the Corona units as those units expand and expand. (Well aren't I just a prophet)




Luckily the hubby can keep working from home. The happiest one around here is definitely my dog because now she has a full house of servants to let her in and out at will. And she can keep herself busy protecting all of us from the dangers that lurk outside, like leaves and the supermarket delivery guy (same guy for over a year and she still wants a chance to lick him to death). 




Okay, so what have we really been up to? Hubby and I managed to sneak in a 20th wedding anniversary getaway to a hotel I've been eyeing for a few years. We had a fabulous time and somehow the hotel managed to get all of their workers to wear masks all of the time and even the guests were very compliant. And they managed to stagger meals and such so the hotel never felt crowded. 



For anyone who has heard me discuss cocktails, well this was the place to be!!! Super fun cocktail bar happy hour... I would seriously go back to the hotel just for the cocktail hour. I mean, if the hotels reopen while I'm still youngish.  If a bunch of bartenders can get two parents of four teens to feel cool and comfortable in a cocktail bar, when then those guys have earned their tips. Seriously, go to the cocktail bar. See me for details. I'll even go with you. 






Back to regular life for yet another whirlwind of zoom back to school nights, technology program graduation for one girl, and cooking and more cooking for the holidays. We might be shut down but the cooking goes on and on and on. 

DECEMBER

Well well well, if that ain't a kick in the pants. I apparently started this blog just as the holidays were starting here in September. Then of course, everything changed again and I forgot about it. And now I came back in December to write a new blog which is apparently titled, 'Tis the Season and well 'tis. Now it's the season of Hanukah, Hanukkah, Chanukah, Chanukah, whatever just give me some donuts. 



I came back to write this blog mainly because of two hilarious events that both occurred this evening. I was cooking dinner and put some music on. So there is this new song that includes lots of popular Israeli singers. But I only know a few of them. So I had one teenage daughter watch the video with me and tell me who everyone is. She is apparently well versed on the culture because she knew everyone except the old people. (I knew the old people)

Then we are sitting at dinner. Me, my husband and three teens. The fourth teen is at his pre army program.  So we are discussing something and I am sure it was relevant, when I asked if whoever they were talking about, was famous for belfies. My kids told me that's not a word, and even after I explained what it is they didn't believe me (you'll need to Google it). So then I asked our Google home thing that I hate, ok Google, what's a belfie? And well, Google is apparently just as knowledgeable as I am. You're welcome kids.....

What else that's semi normal have I been doing you ask? Well, in the few months between blogs we managed to sneak in a family vacation. I had originally planned to be in the USA visiting my parents and Target. But pandemic. Then we had planned a family vacation to Eilat, but also, pandemic. And then I planned a four night getaway to a little villa up in the north, plan C and we managed to pull it off. Come on kids, everyone into the teeny car, it will be fun!  And it was. 




Who knows when we will get to vacation together again. At some point in the next year my eldest will draft into the military. My girls are going to spend their spring and summer with matriculation exams. And my work vacation needs to be planned a year in advance. So we grabbed the chance and went and we had a lot of fun. 

WORK

I know everyone loves my work stories. Unfortunately I haven't had as many hilarious Hebrew issues. I mean if I have, then my coworkers have managed a straight face. I have somewhat mastered understanding Hebrew with masks on. At the beginning of this situation it was impossible. I couldn't understand anyone. Now it's just the usual confusion. 

Oh, I was reading messages from a work group and couldn't understand why we were discussing donkeys. Which is written חמור. We were apparently discussing material which is חומר. 

Potato/potato. Whatever. Eventually I was like, something is off here....

I somehow have gotten over my fear of speaking during zoom meetings. Or not gotten over my fear but apparently what I want to say is more important than me being afaid of speaking over everyone on zoom. Staff meetings are so weird now. I miss when we all sat in a room and ate salad that someone made and quiches that someone made and kept getting shushed because 50 women can't exactly sit quietly. And hearing Hebrew and Russian and Arabic and English all being whispered. Good times that will hopefully be back again. I'll bring the cakes. 

Oh, one last Hebrew thing. I am now absolutely convinced that some of our ummmmm, elder babies? Experienced babies? Long term babies? Whatever the term may be (I call them my buddies) Anyway, I am convinced that they recognize my accent. Because I walk into a shift and they wake up. They are like, oh, that American softie has arrived and she will definitely hold me during any free time she has. I will now wake up and make my best face and she will sit with me. And yep....