No rest for the unlicensed

I hope you have some time because Oh boy,  this is a long one.  Basically I felt like today's blog post was writing itself.  It was sort of surreal.

I start off my day as usual.  Tale kids to school,  stop at home for my fancy coffee from my "free"  coffee machine. (see earlier blogs)  and then I  head to ulpan.  I spent four plus hours in ulpan,  having a very exciting dialogue with a classmate about sapphire vs ruby jewelry.  Now,  today is Monday and that is when one child, who requires a ride home,  stays late for a club.  So today was my day to do stuff.  Unpack more boxes now that I have some shelves,  cook,  clean,  sit on the sofa,  whatever.

Five minutes after I arrive home,  I get a call from my driving instructor that I can take the test in ten minutes.  Now,  I might add that she was speaking to me only in Hebrew.  I was answering her in a mix of Hebrew and English.  Then she seemed to also be speaking on a another phone,  but in Hebrew only.  I finally said,  my Hebrew is not great,  so she said,  okay,  I'll speak to you in English.  But not really,  because she kept saying stuff in Hebrew.  But it's pretty easy to understand,  this is my shot to take the test.

Ummmm  okaaaaay.  What the what?????  No warning,  just get your you know what over here,  I have a free slot.  So,  I head over,  praying not to get lost.  I am very very directionally challenged.  Thank goodness I'm in the land where waze was born.

I arrive,  hang out with the teacher while we wait for the testing guy, who probably has some official name.  He gets in the car with me and my teacher is in the back.  I warn the tester that my Hebrew isn't great.  He says,  no problem.  Left,  right,  that's it.  Except that wasn't it.  I'm driving.  I have no idea where he wants me to go.  He and the teacher spent the whole lesson in some heated discussion. It was unclear if they were arguing or discussing or yelling.  It's all kind of the same.  So,  I randomly say stuff like,  ימינה?  שמולה?  איפה??  (right  left,  where?) He replies in between said discussion.  Ps,  he didn't speak to me in English once.

I survive the test,  (but they don't tell you if you've passed or failed) and we return to where we began.  My teacher gets out to speak with the other teachers or  whoever was there,  and I stayed in the car. In between them all speaking and hanging out,  someone brings  out a big Tupperware of  grapes and offers them around.  Because we wouldn't want anyone to be hungry :-)

Great.  Now I am told I need to go to the post office and pay them some money and get a form. Except I have zero cash.  Like,  I own three quarters.  But I have three ATM  cards so I'm like,  cool,  I'll go and get cash and take care of that.  ATM card #1 is expired.  ATM card #2 refuses to accept my pin#.  And ATM card #3 is my Israeli card and I  can't find my password that they gave me.  I tried three ATM machines.  I even braved the mall again after last week's drama.  Which of course,  you can read about in my blog.

 So I'm on the phone with citibank in the USA,  who tells me,  yep,  my card is expired and they sent me a new one.  I'm like okay,  I'm holding the new one.  Well,  they have a newer new one and they will send it to me.

I go home and ransack my pile of papers searching for my Israeli bank pin.  I don't find it but I do find my newest newer ATM card.  So I  call citibank again to tell them I  found it,  please make sure it's active,  etc...

I head to get the kids and try a new ATM.  This one will not accept my card because it has a chip.  Ps,  I was told we needed the chip in Israel.  Okay fine.  I guess it's an old ATM.  At this point  I'm exhausted.  I haven't eaten lunch at 4pm and I'm cranky. I head home and give up for the day.

I take the kids to Taekwondo and decide to look again and lo and behold,  I find my Israeli pin number.  Woohooo,  finally.  I go to the atm,  insert my Israeli card,  the machine doesn't like my pin and it eats my card.  I mean,  it just kept my card after flashing some angry Hebrew message at me.  So there I am,  standing at this atm machine and talking to it.  Like,  what just happened?  Is this a joke???

I called Jon and I  said  you had better get some cash near your office because I'm not having a good day.  I'm having a comical day,  but a frustrating day.

Meanwhile,  I get a text that I passed the test.  Which should make me happy,  but at this point I'm so confused about the whole ATM situation.

Finally, I am rescued by my sugar daddy who arrives home with cash.  We all go (well,  five of us go because we can't all fit into the tic tac car)  to the post office after dealing with the rodeo in the parking lot.  We meet the most pleasant postal worker ever (for real,  she was super nice and patient at 7:30pm) and take care of that.  We even managed to buy stamps because apparently one of children has already written a letter and it's been waiting for a stamp.

Head home,  make dinner,  get most of the kids to bed  then head to my "garden"  to drink wine out of a coffee cup,  while some child did homework inside.   Did I mention that I bought a two pack of wine at the hardware store last week for 29 Shekel?  Because obviously the hardware store sells wine before the chagim.

In conclusion.  I passed my driving test.  I do not have a functioning ATM card which means I have to go to my bank again.  In Israel,  sometimes you can buy wine at the hardware store because,  hello,  Rosh Hashanah is coming!